So what on earth are the Love Languages?

Every year I am obligated by law to undergo ongoing professional development to make sure that I am up to date with everything from the law to current trends as well as to ensure that I am updated and fulfilling my duties so that I can deliver the best service to you!

I loved this information that I wanted to share with you all as I found this very interesting. I printed this off and showed my Scotty –it’s been 23 years and I thought he needed some refreshing!!!

This is from Dr Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” and

discusses the five love languages with couples, namely:

1. Words of Affirmation

These are verbal compliments, or words of appreciation. Mark Twain once said: “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

Encouraging words require empathy and seeing the world from a partner’s perspective.

We must first learn what is important to our partner. Only then can we believe in them and their abilities.

Kind words – the manner in which we speak is exceedingly important, e.g.

• That was a lovely meal

• You’ve made a fantastic job of mowing the lawns

• That colour really suits you

• My wife is a wonderful mother

Humble words – making requests, not demands. A request introduces the element of

choice. Language with request is politeness.

2. Quality Time

This love language is about togetherness, giving each other focused attention.

It doesn’t mean sitting and watching television together or just existing in the same proximity. The important thing is emotionally spending focused time with each other.

Conversation – this involves the couple sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. Unlike Words of Affirmation, the focus is on what is being heard rather than what is being said.

3. Gifts – giving and receiving

Gifts can be a visual symbol of love, and one of the easiest to learn. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say “He/she was thinking of me”. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn’t matter whether the gift cost money. What is important is the thought of acquiring the gift and giving it as an expression of love.

A gift may be bought or found or made. If a person becomes an effective gift giver, they may need to change their attitude about money. If a person is a ‘saver’, then they may experience emotional resistance to the idea of spending money as an expression of

love. If receiving a gift is a partner’s primary love language, then investing in a gift is an investment in the relationship.

4. Acts of Service

Acts of service is a love language that seeks to please a partner’s needs by doing some act of kindness.

By working out what is the most important way of helping a partner and then making a concentrated effort to do this as an expression of love, i.e. vacuuming, mowing the lawn, or paying the bills. If a person doesn’t have time or inclination to do the service, then they could do something that will take the burden off their partner, i.e. take them

out to dinner or get takeaway, pay someone to mow the lawns as a surprise.

Also note what a partner is doing, i.e. “Thanks for washing the car, I never get the time for this and I really appreciate it”. This shows that your partner’s actions are noted andnot taken for granted. Your love language may be receiving acts of service, but yourpartner’s may be receiving Words of Affirmation.

Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.

5. Physical Touch

Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love.

However, this love language is an expression of love through physical touch. The touch of love may take many forms. Loving touches may be explicit and demand your full attention (such as a back rub), or love touches may be implicit and require only a moment (such as putting your hand on their shoulder as you pour a cup of coffee).

Implicit love touches require little time for much thought, i.e. sitting close to each other on the couch, kissing before leaving the house. If sex is a primary love language, then steps can be taken to enhance lovemaking such as reading, discussion, experimenting.

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